Reflections…
On Tuesday, February 28, I went for my scheduled cataract surgery. At the last moment, an administrator came in and announced that the surgery could not proceed because my PCP (Primary Care Provider) had not submitted a physicians' clearance form as the required OK that my health was good enough for the surgery. I had spent a good bit of time and energy getting myself ready for the surgery, so I was upset, to say the least. In fact, I had not been this grumpy for as long as I could remember. It took me a long while to get it all sorted out and rescheduled for the following week. When you are my age, these things can be upsetting in the extreme.
Still, I knew enough from my own work that any "unexpected" or "unintended" consequence must be respected. The ego's natural emotional reactions are never the whole story. Once I calmed down and sorted everything out and came to a better place, the first thing I decided was to not go ahead as if nothing had happened and do my regular things both for Tuesday and for Wednesday. I decided to go ahead and keep my "time out" and to see what sort of things would appear if I didn't over agenda the cleared space. So, I relaxed into this "free" time.
What happened initially was a flood of memories, beginning with a very early memory of having my tonsils out when I was a kid. When I came out of the anesthesia, Dr. Dixon showed me my tonsils. I wanted them. He said no. I kicked his arm and he dropped the specimen jar, the glass breaking. This was followed by a memory of being in the hospital with mastoiditis--a complication of measles. I had taken with me a box of Hershey bars that I had won at a Saturday movie matinee. I put them on top of the radio. Radios in those days were powered by tubes and got hot. My Hershey's melted. This flood of "medical" memories kept going. I noted each one down and then was greeted with several more streams of memories—long since forgotten, but now vividly recalled. This continued the following day as well. It has been quite an extraordinary experience and one I am grateful for in so many ways.
The most stunning result of my reflections was the realization of how invariable my medical experiences have been tied to new ways of doing art. So, as I prepare now for the procedure next Tuesday, I go into the experience with a whole different mental and emotional set than before. This seems like a gift from that work of pursuing something other than the ego's emotional grump.
Always pay attention to the unexpected and the unintended.
